DAVID
COPPERFIELD
PART 55
CHAPTER 55. TEMPEST
I now
approach an event in my life, so indelible, so awful, so bound by an infinite
variety of ties to all that has preceded it, in these pages, that, from the
beginning of my narrative, I have seen it growing larger and larger as I
advanced, like a great tower in a plain, and throwing its fore-cast shadow even
on the incidents of my childish days.
For years
after it occurred, I dreamed of it often. I have started up so vividly
impressed by it, that its fury has yet seemed raging in my quiet room, in the still
night. I dream of it sometimes, though at lengthened and uncertain intervals,
to this hour. I have an association between it and a stormy wind, or the
lightest mention of a sea-shore, as strong as any of which my mind is
conscious. As plainly as I behold what happened, I will try to write it down. I
do not recall it, but see it done; for it happens again before me.
The time
drawing on rapidly for the sailing of the emigrant-ship, my good old nurse
(almost broken-hearted for me, when we first met) came up to London. I was
constantly with her, and her brother, and the Micawbers (they being very much
together); but Emily I never saw.
One
evening when the time was close at hand, I was alone with Peggotty and her
brother. Our conversation turned on Ham. She described to us how tenderly he
had taken leave of her, and how manfully and quietly he had borne himself. Most
of all, of late, when she believed he was most tried. It was a subject of which
the affectionate creature never tired; and our interest in hearing the many
examples which she, who was so much with him, had to relate, was equal to hers
in relating them.
My aunt
and I were at that time vacating the two cottages at Highgate; I intending to
go abroad, and she to return to her house at Dover. We had a temporary lodging
in Covent Garden. As I walked home to it, after this evening's conversation,
reflecting on what had passed between Ham and myself when I was last at
Yarmouth, I wavered in the original purpose I had formed, of leaving a letter
for Emily when I should take leave of her uncle on board the ship, and thought
it would be better to write to her now. She might desire, I thought, after
receiving my communication, to send some parting word by me to her unhappy
lover. I ought to give her the opportunity.
I
therefore sat down in my room, before going to bed, and wrote to her. I told
her that I had seen him, and that he had requested me to tell her what I have
already written in its place in these sheets. I faithfully repeated it. I had
no need to enlarge upon it, if I had had the right. Its deep fidelity and
goodness were not to be adorned by me or any man. I left it out, to be sent
round in the morning; with a line to Mr. Peggotty, requesting him to give it to
her; and went to bed at daybreak.
I was
weaker than I knew then; and, not falling asleep until the sun was up, lay
late, and unrefreshed, next day. I was roused by the silent presence of my aunt
at my bedside. I felt it in my sleep, as I suppose we all do feel such things.
'Trot, my
dear,' she said, when I opened my eyes, 'I couldn't make up my mind to disturb
you. Mr. Peggotty is here; shall he come up?'
I replied
yes, and he soon appeared.
'Mas'r
Davy,' he said, when we had shaken hands, 'I giv Em'ly your letter, sir, and
she writ this heer; and begged of me fur to ask you to read it, and if you see
no hurt in't, to be so kind as take charge on't.'
'Have you
read it?' said I.
He nodded
sorrowfully. I opened it, and read as follows:
'I have
got your message. Oh, what can I write, to thank you for your good and blessed
kindness to me!
'I have
put the words close to my heart. I shall keep them till I die. They are sharp
thorns, but they are such comfort. I have prayed over them, oh, I have prayed
so much. When I find what you are, and what uncle is, I think what God must be,
and can cry to him.
'Good-bye
for ever. Now, my dear, my friend, good-bye for ever in this world. In another
world, if I am forgiven, I may wake a child and come to you. All thanks and
blessings. Farewell, evermore.'
This,
blotted with tears, was the letter.
'May I
tell her as you doen't see no hurt in't, and as you'll be so kind as take
charge on't, Mas'r Davy?' said Mr. Peggotty, when I had read it.
'Unquestionably,' said I—'but I am thinking—'
'Yes,
Mas'r Davy?'
'I am
thinking,' said I, 'that I'll go down again to Yarmouth. There's time, and to
spare, for me to go and come back before the ship sails. My mind is constantly
running on him, in his solitude; to put this letter of her writing in his hand
at this time, and to enable you to tell her, in the moment of parting, that he
has got it, will be a kindness to both of them. I solemnly accepted his
commission, dear good fellow, and cannot discharge it too completely. The
journey is nothing to me. I am restless, and shall be better in motion. I'll go
down tonight.'
Though he
anxiously endeavoured to dissuade me, I saw that he was of my mind; and this,
if I had required to be confirmed in my intention, would have had the effect.
He went round to the coach office, at my request, and took the box-seat for me
on the mail. In the evening I started, by that conveyance, down the road I had
traversed under so many vicissitudes.
'Don't
you think that,' I asked the coachman, in the first stage out of London, 'a
very remarkable sky? I don't remember to have seen one like it.'
'Nor
I—not equal to it,' he replied. 'That's wind, sir. There'll be mischief done at
sea, I expect, before long.'
It was a
murky confusion—here and there blotted with a colour like the colour of the
smoke from damp fuel—of flying clouds, tossed up into most remarkable heaps,
suggesting greater heights in the clouds than there were depths below them to
the bottom of the deepest hollows in the earth, through which the wild moon
seemed to plunge headlong, as if, in a dread disturbance of the laws of nature,
she had lost her way and were frightened. There had been a wind all day; and it
was rising then, with an extraordinary great sound. In another hour it had much
increased, and the sky was more overcast, and blew hard.
But, as
the night advanced, the clouds closing in and densely over-spreading the whole
sky, then very dark, it came on to blow, harder and harder. It still increased,
until our horses could scarcely face the wind. Many times, in the dark part of
the night (it was then late in September, when the nights were not short), the
leaders turned about, or came to a dead stop; and we were often in serious
apprehension that the coach would be blown over. Sweeping gusts of rain came up
before this storm, like showers of steel; and, at those times, when there was
any shelter of trees or lee walls to be got, we were fain to stop, in a sheer
impossibility of continuing the struggle.
When the
day broke, it blew harder and harder. I had been in Yarmouth when the seamen
said it blew great guns, but I had never known the like of this, or anything
approaching to it. We came to Ipswich—very late, having had to fight every inch
of ground since we were ten miles out of London; and found a cluster of people
in the market-place, who had risen from their beds in the night, fearful of
falling chimneys. Some of these, congregating about the inn-yard while we
changed horses, told us of great sheets of lead having been ripped off a high
church-tower, and flung into a by-street, which they then blocked up. Others
had to tell of country people, coming in from neighbouring villages, who had
seen great trees lying torn out of the earth, and whole ricks scattered about
the roads and fields. Still, there was no abatement in the storm, but it blew
harder.
As we
struggled on, nearer and nearer to the sea, from which this mighty wind was
blowing dead on shore, its force became more and more terrific. Long before we
saw the sea, its spray was on our lips, and showered salt rain upon us. The
water was out, over miles and miles of the flat country adjacent to Yarmouth;
and every sheet and puddle lashed its banks, and had its stress of little
breakers setting heavily towards us. When we came within sight of the sea, the
waves on the horizon, caught at intervals above the rolling abyss, were like
glimpses of another shore with towers and buildings. When at last we got into
the town, the people came out to their doors, all aslant, and with streaming
hair, making a wonder of the mail that had come through such a night.
I put up
at the old inn, and went down to look at the sea; staggering along the street,
which was strewn with sand and seaweed, and with flying blotches of sea-foam;
afraid of falling slates and tiles; and holding by people I met, at angry
corners. Coming near the beach, I saw, not only the boatmen, but half the
people of the town, lurking behind buildings; some, now and then braving the
fury of the storm to look away to sea, and blown sheer out of their course in
trying to get zigzag back.
Joining
these groups, I found bewailing women whose husbands were away in herring or
oyster boats, which there was too much reason to think might have foundered before
they could run in anywhere for safety. Grizzled old sailors were among the
people, shaking their heads, as they looked from water to sky, and muttering to
one another; ship-owners, excited and uneasy; children, huddling together, and
peering into older faces; even stout mariners, disturbed and anxious, levelling
their glasses at the sea from behind places of shelter, as if they were
surveying an enemy.
The
tremendous sea itself, when I could find sufficient pause to look at it, in the
agitation of the blinding wind, the flying stones and sand, and the awful
noise, confounded me. As the high watery walls came rolling in, and, at their
highest, tumbled into surf, they looked as if the least would engulf the town.
As the receding wave swept back with a hoarse roar, it seemed to scoop out deep
caves in the beach, as if its purpose were to undermine the earth. When some
white-headed billows thundered on, and dashed themselves to pieces before they
reached the land, every fragment of the late whole seemed possessed by the full
might of its wrath, rushing to be gathered to the composition of another
monster. Undulating hills were changed to valleys, undulating valleys (with a
solitary storm-bird sometimes skimming through them) were lifted up to hills;
masses of water shivered and shook the beach with a booming sound; every shape
tumultuously rolled on, as soon as made, to change its shape and place, and
beat another shape and place away; the ideal shore on the horizon, with its
towers and buildings, rose and fell; the clouds fell fast and thick; I seemed
to see a rending and upheaving of all nature.
Not
finding Ham among the people whom this memorable wind—for it is still
remembered down there, as the greatest ever known to blow upon that coast—had
brought together, I made my way to his house. It was shut; and as no one
answered to my knocking, I went, by back ways and by-lanes, to the yard where
he worked. I learned, there, that he had gone to Lowestoft, to meet some sudden
exigency of ship-repairing in which his skill was required; but that he would
be back tomorrow morning, in good time.
I went
back to the inn; and when I had washed and dressed, and tried to sleep, but in
vain, it was five o'clock in the afternoon. I had not sat five minutes by the
coffee-room fire, when the waiter, coming to stir it, as an excuse for talking,
told me that two colliers had gone down, with all hands, a few miles away; and
that some other ships had been seen labouring hard in the Roads, and trying, in
great distress, to keep off shore. Mercy on them, and on all poor sailors, said
he, if we had another night like the last!
I was
very much depressed in spirits; very solitary; and felt an uneasiness in Ham's
not being there, disproportionate to the occasion. I was seriously affected,
without knowing how much, by late events; and my long exposure to the fierce wind
had confused me. There was that jumble in my thoughts and recollections, that I
had lost the clear arrangement of time and distance. Thus, if I had gone out
into the town, I should not have been surprised, I think, to encounter someone
who I knew must be then in London. So to speak, there was in these respects a
curious inattention in my mind. Yet it was busy, too, with all the remembrances
the place naturally awakened; and they were particularly distinct and vivid.
In this
state, the waiter's dismal intelligence about the ships immediately connected
itself, without any effort of my volition, with my uneasiness about Ham. I was
persuaded that I had an apprehension of his returning from Lowestoft by sea,
and being lost. This grew so strong with me, that I resolved to go back to the
yard before I took my dinner, and ask the boat-builder if he thought his
attempting to return by sea at all likely? If he gave me the least reason to
think so, I would go over to Lowestoft and prevent it by bringing him with me.
I hastily
ordered my dinner, and went back to the yard. I was none too soon; for the
boat-builder, with a lantern in his hand, was locking the yard-gate. He quite
laughed when I asked him the question, and said there was no fear; no man in
his senses, or out of them, would put off in such a gale of wind, least of all
Ham Peggotty, who had been born to seafaring.
So
sensible of this, beforehand, that I had really felt ashamed of doing what I
was nevertheless impelled to do, I went back to the inn. If such a wind could
rise, I think it was rising. The howl and roar, the rattling of the doors and
windows, the rumbling in the chimneys, the apparent rocking of the very house
that sheltered me, and the prodigious tumult of the sea, were more fearful than
in the morning. But there was now a great darkness besides; and that invested
the storm with new terrors, real and fanciful.
I could
not eat, I could not sit still, I could not continue steadfast to anything.
Something within me, faintly answering to the storm without, tossed up the
depths of my memory and made a tumult in them. Yet, in all the hurry of my
thoughts, wild running with the thundering sea,—the storm, and my uneasiness
regarding Ham were always in the fore-ground.
My dinner
went away almost untasted, and I tried to refresh myself with a glass or two of
wine. In vain. I fell into a dull slumber before the fire, without losing my
consciousness, either of the uproar out of doors, or of the place in which I
was. Both became overshadowed by a new and indefinable horror; and when I
awoke—or rather when I shook off the lethargy that bound me in my chair—my
whole frame thrilled with objectless and unintelligible fear.
I walked
to and fro, tried to read an old gazetteer, listened to the awful noises: looked
at faces, scenes, and figures in the fire. At length, the steady ticking of the
undisturbed clock on the wall tormented me to that degree that I resolved to go
to bed.
It was
reassuring, on such a night, to be told that some of the inn-servants had
agreed together to sit up until morning. I went to bed, exceedingly weary and
heavy; but, on my lying down, all such sensations vanished, as if by magic, and
I was broad awake, with every sense refined.
For hours
I lay there, listening to the wind and water; imagining, now, that I heard
shrieks out at sea; now, that I distinctly heard the firing of signal guns; and
now, the fall of houses in the town. I got up, several times, and looked out;
but could see nothing, except the reflection in the window-panes of the faint
candle I had left burning, and of my own haggard face looking in at me from the
black void.
At
length, my restlessness attained to such a pitch, that I hurried on my clothes,
and went downstairs. In the large kitchen, where I dimly saw bacon and ropes of
onions hanging from the beams, the watchers were clustered together, in various
attitudes, about a table, purposely moved away from the great chimney, and brought
near the door. A pretty girl, who had her ears stopped with her apron, and her
eyes upon the door, screamed when I appeared, supposing me to be a spirit; but
the others had more presence of mind, and were glad of an addition to their
company. One man, referring to the topic they had been discussing, asked me
whether I thought the souls of the collier-crews who had gone down, were out in
the storm?
I
remained there, I dare say, two hours. Once, I opened the yard-gate, and looked
into the empty street. The sand, the sea-weed, and the flakes of foam, were
driving by; and I was obliged to call for assistance before I could shut the
gate again, and make it fast against the wind.
There was
a dark gloom in my solitary chamber, when I at length returned to it; but I was
tired now, and, getting into bed again, fell—off a tower and down a
precipice—into the depths of sleep. I have an impression that for a long time,
though I dreamed of being elsewhere and in a variety of scenes, it was always
blowing in my dream. At length, I lost that feeble hold upon reality, and was
engaged with two dear friends, but who they were I don't know, at the siege of
some town in a roar of cannonading.
The
thunder of the cannon was so loud and incessant, that I could not hear something
I much desired to hear, until I made a great exertion and awoke. It was broad
day—eight or nine o'clock; the storm raging, in lieu of the batteries; and
someone knocking and calling at my door.
'What is
the matter?' I cried.
'A wreck!
Close by!'
I sprung
out of bed, and asked, what wreck?
'A
schooner, from Spain or Portugal, laden with fruit and wine. Make haste, sir,
if you want to see her! It's thought, down on the beach, she'll go to pieces
every moment.'
The
excited voice went clamouring along the staircase; and I wrapped myself in my
clothes as quickly as I could, and ran into the street.
Numbers
of people were there before me, all running in one direction, to the beach. I
ran the same way, outstripping a good many, and soon came facing the wild sea.
The wind
might by this time have lulled a little, though not more sensibly than if the
cannonading I had dreamed of, had been diminished by the silencing of
half-a-dozen guns out of hundreds. But the sea, having upon it the additional
agitation of the whole night, was infinitely more terrific than when I had seen
it last. Every appearance it had then presented, bore the expression of being
swelled; and the height to which the breakers rose, and, looking over one
another, bore one another down, and rolled in, in interminable hosts, was most
appalling. In the difficulty of hearing anything but wind and waves, and in the
crowd, and the unspeakable confusion, and my first breathless efforts to stand
against the weather, I was so confused that I looked out to sea for the wreck,
and saw nothing but the foaming heads of the great waves. A half-dressed
boatman, standing next me, pointed with his bare arm (a tattoo'd arrow on it,
pointing in the same direction) to the left. Then, O great Heaven, I saw it,
close in upon us!
One mast
was broken short off, six or eight feet from the deck, and lay over the side,
entangled in a maze of sail and rigging; and all that ruin, as the ship rolled
and beat—which she did without a moment's pause, and with a violence quite
inconceivable—beat the side as if it would stave it in. Some efforts were even
then being made, to cut this portion of the wreck away; for, as the ship, which
was broadside on, turned towards us in her rolling, I plainly descried her
people at work with axes, especially one active figure with long curling hair,
conspicuous among the rest. But a great cry, which was audible even above the
wind and water, rose from the shore at this moment; the sea, sweeping over the
rolling wreck, made a clean breach, and carried men, spars, casks, planks,
bulwarks, heaps of such toys, into the boiling surge.
The
second mast was yet standing, with the rags of a rent sail, and a wild
confusion of broken cordage flapping to and fro. The ship had struck once, the
same boatman hoarsely said in my ear, and then lifted in and struck again. I
understood him to add that she was parting amidships, and I could readily
suppose so, for the rolling and beating were too tremendous for any human work
to suffer long. As he spoke, there was another great cry of pity from the
beach; four men arose with the wreck out of the deep, clinging to the rigging
of the remaining mast; uppermost, the active figure with the curling hair.
There was
a bell on board; and as the ship rolled and dashed, like a desperate creature
driven mad, now showing us the whole sweep of her deck, as she turned on her
beam-ends towards the shore, now nothing but her keel, as she sprung wildly
over and turned towards the sea, the bell rang; and its sound, the knell of
those unhappy men, was borne towards us on the wind. Again we lost her, and
again she rose. Two men were gone. The agony on the shore increased. Men
groaned, and clasped their hands; women shrieked, and turned away their faces.
Some ran wildly up and down along the beach, crying for help where no help
could be. I found myself one of these, frantically imploring a knot of sailors
whom I knew, not to let those two lost creatures perish before our eyes.
They were
making out to me, in an agitated way—I don't know how, for the little I could
hear I was scarcely composed enough to understand—that the lifeboat had been
bravely manned an hour ago, and could do nothing; and that as no man would be
so desperate as to attempt to wade off with a rope, and establish a
communication with the shore, there was nothing left to try; when I noticed
that some new sensation moved the people on the beach, and saw them part, and
Ham come breaking through them to the front.
I ran to
him—as well as I know, to repeat my appeal for help. But, distracted though I
was, by a sight so new to me and terrible, the determination in his face, and
his look out to sea—exactly the same look as I remembered in connexion with the
morning after Emily's flight—awoke me to a knowledge of his danger. I held him
back with both arms; and implored the men with whom I had been speaking, not to
listen to him, not to do murder, not to let him stir from off that sand!
Another
cry arose on shore; and looking to the wreck, we saw the cruel sail, with blow
on blow, beat off the lower of the two men, and fly up in triumph round the
active figure left alone upon the mast.
Against
such a sight, and against such determination as that of the calmly desperate
man who was already accustomed to lead half the people present, I might as
hopefully have entreated the wind. 'Mas'r Davy,' he said, cheerily grasping me
by both hands, 'if my time is come, 'tis come. If 'tan't, I'll bide it. Lord
above bless you, and bless all! Mates, make me ready! I'm a-going off!'
I was
swept away, but not unkindly, to some distance, where the people around me made
me stay; urging, as I confusedly perceived, that he was bent on going, with
help or without, and that I should endanger the precautions for his safety by
troubling those with whom they rested. I don't know what I answered, or what
they rejoined; but I saw hurry on the beach, and men running with ropes from a
capstan that was there, and penetrating into a circle of figures that hid him
from me. Then, I saw him standing alone, in a seaman's frock and trousers: a
rope in his hand, or slung to his wrist: another round his body: and several of
the best men holding, at a little distance, to the latter, which he laid out
himself, slack upon the shore, at his feet.
The
wreck, even to my unpractised eye, was breaking up. I saw that she was parting
in the middle, and that the life of the solitary man upon the mast hung by a
thread. Still, he clung to it. He had a singular red cap on,—not like a
sailor's cap, but of a finer colour; and as the few yielding planks between him
and destruction rolled and bulged, and his anticipative death-knell rung, he
was seen by all of us to wave it. I saw him do it now, and thought I was going
distracted, when his action brought an old remembrance to my mind of a once
dear friend.
Ham
watched the sea, standing alone, with the silence of suspended breath behind
him, and the storm before, until there was a great retiring wave, when, with a
backward glance at those who held the rope which was made fast round his body,
he dashed in after it, and in a moment was buffeting with the water; rising
with the hills, falling with the valleys, lost beneath the foam; then drawn
again to land. They hauled in hastily.
He was
hurt. I saw blood on his face, from where I stood; but he took no thought of
that. He seemed hurriedly to give them some directions for leaving him more
free—or so I judged from the motion of his arm—and was gone as before.
And now
he made for the wreck, rising with the hills, falling with the valleys, lost
beneath the rugged foam, borne in towards the shore, borne on towards the ship,
striving hard and valiantly. The distance was nothing, but the power of the sea
and wind made the strife deadly. At length he neared the wreck. He was so near,
that with one more of his vigorous strokes he would be clinging to it,—when a
high, green, vast hill-side of water, moving on shoreward, from beyond the
ship, he seemed to leap up into it with a mighty bound, and the ship was gone!
Some
eddying fragments I saw in the sea, as if a mere cask had been broken, in
running to the spot where they were hauling in. Consternation was in every
face. They drew him to my very feet—insensible—dead. He was carried to the
nearest house; and, no one preventing me now, I remained near him, busy, while
every means of restoration were tried; but he had been beaten to death by the
great wave, and his generous heart was stilled for ever.
As I sat
beside the bed, when hope was abandoned and all was done, a fisherman, who had
known me when Emily and I were children, and ever since, whispered my name at
the door.
'Sir,'
said he, with tears starting to his weather-beaten face, which, with his
trembling lips, was ashy pale, 'will you come over yonder?'
The old
remembrance that had been recalled to me, was in his look. I asked him,
terror-stricken, leaning on the arm he held out to support me:
'Has a
body come ashore?'
He said,
'Yes.'
'Do I
know it?' I asked then.
He
answered nothing.
But he
led me to the shore. And on that part of it where she and I had looked for
shells, two children—on that part of it where some lighter fragments of the old
boat, blown down last night, had been scattered by the wind—among the ruins of
the home he had wronged—I saw him lying with his head upon his arm, as I had
often seen him lie at school.
To be continued